I do not like feeling like a whiner. Here is the truth: the last few weeks have not been the best for me. I'm stressed, tired, and I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack/melt down. Yes, I know what is causing it. No, there is nothing I can do (at the moment) to fix it. It is completely possible I may go crazy before the situation resolves. I have it pretty easy compared to most. However, there are times, when I just want to give up. Life is hard. I envy my friends with little responsibility and with choices. I have very few choices. At this point, my life is pretty much set out for me. I'm a parent, I'm married, and I will probably never do any of the things I wanted to do when I was younger. Soon I will be 25. Sure, to some of you this may seem young, but to me it feels ancient. I told a friend of mine that you had to add 5 years to your age for each kid, so really I was turning 35 and therefore justified in my irritation with the thought of my next birthday. It's not that I'm not happy, it's just that well, I pictured myself in a different place when I turned 25. I suppose that is what has me so bothered. This just isn't the life I thought I would be living right now.
(P.S. Comment at your own risk. I am not in a good mood these days and I may bite.)
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2 comments:
I find this post strangely re-assuring. Just this afternoon my wife and I were talking about this exact feeling. I know it is a little bit different for every person, but I think I find it comforting to realize that the feelings I had just a month ago about turning 25 are similar to those around me. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life, but it is certainly different than how I pictured it 10, even 5 years ago.
In many ways I want to refuse the notion that I am "grown up". There are still so many places, experiences, even emotions that I feel I should have experienced or explored by now. But no matter what anyway else says, I agree that in most ways 25 does feel ancient.
25 was my hardest birthday too. I totally understand where you are coming from. But, speaking from experience, the feeling will pass. You still will be able to do many, if not all, the things you want to. Just on a little different schedule. Look up. He sees the whole picture. I don't regret having married young or having kids before I was able to do other things. I am having a blast during this season of my life and know that the timing is right. It's OK to be grumpy. I'll take my chances with you. Love you lots.
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